Rule One

A/N~ this is an alternate version of the minisode First Night.

After The Wedding Of River Song.

Nearly 24 hours have passed.

Nearly twenty-four hours since she first woke up on a prison ship, was handed her verdict of twelve thousand consecutive life sentences, and left in a cell in the Stormcage Containment Facility.

Nearly twenty-four hours since she had killed the man she loved. Or did she marry him? Or was it both?

She couldn't remember. Everything about that time at the lakeside was fuzzy. She would remember one thing happening, then all of a sudden remember something completely different.

There were a few things she most certainly remembered, though:

She had stopped herself from killing the Doctor at Lake Silencio.

Fighting against and capturing the Silence, keeping them at Area 52.

And then….

"There are so many theories about you and I, you know."

"Idle gossip."

"Archeology."

"Same thing."

"Am I the woman who marries you… or the woman who murders you."

"Oh, I don't want to marry you."

But they got married anyway.

And that is what hurts the most. That she is willing to spend the rest of her life rotting in jail because he had asked her to, but he might have only married her because he needed her to kill him.

She sits on her cot in her cell, pondering this, when she hears it.

Vworrrp Vworrrp.

The beautiful blue box that the Doctor called home materializes in the middle of her cell, and the curly-haired "murderess" runs to the doors, opening them with baited breath.

"Hi honey, I'm home." The Doctor tells her, grinning at his bespoke psychopath.

Her heart soars. She always hides it for the most part, but in reality, River Song – the gunslinging, time-traveling archeologist, hell in high heels herself – is a true romantic at heart. Even through the years she had suffered at the hands of the Silence, she had dreamed that one day someone would come and save her from all that – not that she needed to be saved, of course!

"Where are we, then?" he asks her, coming down from the console.

"Have you done…." River couldn't think of what to call that event. Lake Silencio? Utah? Your death?

"Area 52?" the Doctor asks, a little smile on his face, as if he knows what she was thinking. "Of course I have, wife." He puts extra emphasis on the word, as if he knows that it is that word that she needs to hear him say.

Judging by his face, he most likely is expecting her to snog him senseless right about now.

But oh, how foolish he is.

His expression is priceless as she slaps him across the face, hard.

"I'm guessing that's for something I haven't done yet, then." He says ruefully, after rubbing his jaw for a moment.

"Guess again, sweetie." She says, her voice deadly calm. She must hide the damage, yes, but that doesn't mean she cannot use the Doctor's best weapon against him – words.

"Why? Why would you do this to me? You said it yourself – you didn't want to marry me. But you knew. You knew that the only way to get me to do what you wanted me to – to kill you – was for you to marry me first. Because I was stupid. Stupid enough to fall in love with you. But you never loved me, isn't that right, Doctor? Not that I blame you." By this point, she isn't even aware of what she is saying. This is the first time since she was a little girl that she has even allowed her mind to go down this path, and now she is on a roll.

"How could you love me? I'm just a reminder, aren't I? A reminder of everything you've ever done wrong, of every life you've ever ruined, every place you've ever destroyed. But most of all, I'm a reminder of what you put my parents through, and that's what kills you the most, isn't it? The pain and suffering that you put them through. Because without you, I would've had a normal childhood. I would have been raised by my mother, instead of being trained to kill you. I'm a psychopathic murderess; how could anyone ever love me?"

She turns away from him then, cursing herself as she feels a solitary tear roll down her cheek.

Suddenly she hears the unthinkable.

He laughs.

"River Song," he says, moving closer to her, but not touching her. He knows that she needs her space at the moment. "Oh, my beautiful Melody Pond, how can someone so brilliant be so incredibly stupid at the same time?"

She whirls to glare at him, but something in his expression catches her off guard. It takes her a moment to place it, but then she recognizes it. She has seen it in the eyes of her father, Rory, whenever he looked at Amy – whether she was Mels or River at the time didn't matter, as he has always looked at her that way.

"You're right, though." The Doctor admits quietly. "You are a reminder."

This is when she almost loses it, but he continues talking before she has a chance.

"But not in the way you think. A long time ago – in my timeline, at least – I told your father something. Rory the Roman. I told him, that the universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen. And we call them miracles."

He reaches up and brushes her cheek with his thumb, and that touch is what makes her notice that he has moved at all.

"And you, River Song, you are my miracle. Yes, you are a reminder, but you are a reminder of all the good that the universe has to offer. Of every good day, and every life saved, and every time that we run. Of how, no matter how impossible it seems, the most desolate of situations can bring forth the most stunning results. And yes, I asked you to kill me, and I will regret that for the rest of my life. But marrying you? Oh, my Melody Pond, how in Rassilon's name could I ever regret that?"

She blinks at him owlishly in surprise. "But…. But you said…."

"That I didn't want to marry you? That I could never love you?" his voice is soft, hushed, now. His eyes melt and he holds her tight when she nods.

"Oh, River, River, River," he sighs, running his hands through her curls before smiling down at her. "What's not to love? An archeologist who actually gets history right instead of making ridiculous guesses; beautiful, smart, good with a gun – shouldn't like that, but I honestly love it – amazing hair, is like me in every way that matters, and can be flirty, mind-blowingly irritating and save my life all at the same time? Over and over again?" He smiles again, tilting her head up so that she is looking into his eyes. "How could I possibly resist you, my bad, bad girl?"

"But…. But you said…." She trails off, at a loss for words.

"Honey, how could you forget the most important thing of all?" he asks, kissing the top of her head.

"And what's that?" she asks, pulling him closer.

"Rule One: the Doctor lies."